“In all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make straight your paths.”
-Proverbs 3:6
Scott and I have prayed that the Lord would make our decision clear, that we would both be in full agreement of the choice, and that we would be at peace with it no matter what happens. We know we’re not alone in this, and we’ve seen Him speak to us clearly in many ways. But, we aren’t sure of the direction we’re supposed to take right now. The decision part of the journey has been difficult, and we feel that we could interpret certain “signs” in too many different ways. We just don’t have a clear sense of direction at this point, and continue to ask God for wisdom and guidance.
We’ve been reassured that although systemic chemo causes unwanted side effects during the course of treatment, improvements have been made so that there are very few long term risks of the medicine. It would be a grueling several months, but we would get through it. On the other hand, IAC would minimize these unwanted temporary side effects and potentially preserve more of his vision. But, the procedure scares me and we don’t know the long term effects of the treatment on his eye and/or brain development. We struggle with this: are we taking the shorter and seemingly easier road only to find we’ve created a longer one through unknown side effects of a newer procedure, or are we taking proper advantage of the advances in medicine that allow us to avoid systemic exposure to chemotherapy? There are several ways to look at it, and we go back and forth several times a day.
Yesterday, I was looking back through some emails that I have disregarded since all of this began. I subscribe to the Proverbs 31 Ministries daily devotionals, and the title of one I had missed was, “There is No Such Thing as a Perfect Decision.” The author, Lysa TerKeurst, talks about “analysis paralysis” when trying to make the perfect decision – that crippling feeling of being completely stuck between a rock and a hard place. But, she reminds us that NO choice will work out perfectly in every way. I find comfort in her words:
“My imperfections will never override God’s promises. God’s promises are not dependent on my ability to always choose well, but rather on His ability to use well.”
So, although our decision is still unclear, we can rest in the fact that we trust God beyond any fear we have of failure. We surrender this decision to Him, and will glorify Him throughout this journey no matter the outcome.